So as uncomfortable as I am looking at myself in the mirror, I have never been happier or more comfortable with myself in my life. I don’t know if it is because I am getting older (30 in 2 months), or if it’s because my hunky husband somehow still wants to have everything to do with me every night of the week, or if it’s because I’m too busy to care. Perhaps it is a combination of all three.
As solid as I feel emotionally, I have these supremely fragile days, like I did on Wednesday. My dear, hot husband is a complete workaholic. I feel blessed to be a stay at home mom but I never get a break. Even rides in the car don’t provide me with any alone time. My job is literally 24/7 and sometimes I have a mental health day. I’m trying to learn to allow myself those days and to not feel entirely nutty when I have one. This is by far the most stressful job I’ve ever had and add to it a nice dose of PPD, I think I’m handling it pretty well.
I just need to solidify the idea in my mind, that no day is going to be perfect, the house is never going to be perfectly clean, dinner will never be perfectly on the table at 6pm, my children will not always be perfectly behaved, and I cannot always look my best. It would be nice if I had an Au Pair who could help me achieve all of these things but the reality of the situation is that I’m a one-woman-show.
So forgive me my fragile days and lift me up. I’ll do the same for you.